Williams Sonoma is pushing the idea of giving men across the nation personalized branding irons for Father’s Day.

Without any context, I saw the irons in the paper this morning and my only thought was, “What on Earth would I use a branding iron for?” I’m certainly not about to brand the dog, and I think you’d be hard pressed to find ten men across the nation who think that branding their kids with red-hot irons is a good idea.

Even people who might have a legitimate use for a branding iron (cattle ranchers), most likely either have a longer, stronger, better branding iron already, or they use plastic tags and the like instead of branding irons. Are there cattle ranchers out there yearning for a Williams Sonoma branding iron? (Cut to a scene of a Wyoming rancher holding his new branding iron and saying in awed tones: “This Williams Sonoma branding iron makes me feel so…

New York.”)

As it turns out, the product is supposed to be used for branding steaks and chops. Right. I’m sure that all this time, my steaks and chops have been just ever so slightly below average because they haven’t been branded with my initials just before being placed on the plate. That’s definitely a product I need.