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One of the biggest reasons for having federal employees perform air passenger screening was to ensure uniform application of security procedures across the country.

People see everyday what a complete failure that has been.Going to Florida, I wore a pair of light hiking boots. At the Dane County Airport in Madison I strolled right through security without a problem.

At the West Palm Beach airport in Florida, I wore the same pair of light hiking boots. As I approached the metal detector, a TSA employee stepped in front of me and, without any prologue, said, “If you wear those shoes through the metal detector you’re going to secondary screening, even if they don’t set off the magnetron. I suggest you take them off and send them through the x-ray system.”

“Then I’ll go to secondary screening,” I said. I decided that I’d be bull-headed about the whole thing since that guy was being a jerk and I hadn’t had a problem in Madison.

“You could miss your flight if you go to secondary screening,” the TSA troll said, onimously.

“How long does it take,” I asked innocently.

“Three to four minutes,” replied the TSA troll.

“I’ll take my chances,” I said and walked through the magnetron with my hiking boots still upon my feet.

Of course, the magnetron didn’t go off.

The screener rolled his eyes and directed me to the secondary screening area. There another TSA troll said, “Now, why did you have to go and do that? Did you want to see me work for some reason?”

Of course, I had to take my boots off during secondary screening so that they could be sent through the x-ray system and my feet could be wanded.

Since I had nothing on my person deadlier than a cup of coffee (which I had to hold in a hand without rings so that the lazy TSA troll could wand my Dunkin’ Donuts coffee) and a handful of change, I escaped the TSA’s clutches once again.

However, it is just another in a million member series of TSA-mandated moments of stupidity. When will people get tired of this extremely wasteful and useless practice and demand meaningful change?

Last week, Sarah and I were in Florida visiting family and friends. Before we left on 18 Feb 05, we checked the long-range forecast to see if snow was on the horizon. Since the forecast didn’t show any sign of precipitation, we didn’t bother to make any arrangements to have our sidewalks shoveled while we were gone.Madison has a general ordinance requiring homeowners to shovel their “public sidewalks” no later than noon the day after snow stops falling. The same ordinance also requires residents to either remove or sand/salt/ice-melt any ice on the sidewalk.

If one fails to shovel one’s sidewalk, a concerned citizen (for lack of another word) can call the city’s Building Inspection department to complain. At that point, a Building Inspector is dispatched to view the offending walk. If the Building Inspector feels that the sidewalk has not been shoveled or the ice has not been sanded/salted/melted, he can then fine the homeowner and leave a notice on their door.

The fine levied by the building inspector is $102.

The notice left on the door tells the homeowner that if they fail to remove the snow by the next day, city crews will be dispatched to shovel the snow and the homeowner will be billed for the cost of the time spent shoveling plus a $30 administrative fee.

There we are on scenic Lower Matecumbe Key, sitting around in shorts and short sleeves, eating tree ripened grapefruit, wearing sunscreen, and reading the Miami Herald. And, on that newspaper’s weather page, we see that Madison got several inches of snow a few days earlier! All we could do is hope that it melted the next day before the Shovel Police were called.

When we got home yesterday, we found a wonderful pink notice on our door from the friendly folks in the Building Inspection department. One of our neighbors (again for lack of a proper word) reported the fact that we didn’t shovel our sidewalks after one of the snow storms.

You can imagine our delight at seeing that.

So, we know that we’re facing a $102 fine, a $30 administrative fee, and some unknown quantity of city employee time billed at some unknown hourly rate.

Delightful.

Today, a notice came from the court system, announcing that we had an (optional) court appearance scheduled for 08:30 on 26 Apr 05 to defend our non-shoveling actions.

Even more delightful.

Even though I have no possible winning defense (other than perhaps claiming that it did not actually snow), I’m tempted to show up in court anyway. If nothing else, it would force the city to win by some other means than a default judgement.

When ex-Wisconsin Governor, Tommy Thompson, left his position as Secretary of the US Health and Human Services Agency, he expressed concern about terrorists poisoning the US food supply:

“’For the life of me, I cannot understand why the terrorists have not attacked our food supply because it is so easy to do,’ he said, adding that he ‘worried every single night’ about terrorist threats to the nation’s food supply.”

Maybe the terrorists haven’t attacked the US food supply because it would be a duplication of effort?
If you’re feeling good about the food you eat, visit the US Government’s Recent Recalls webpage for a reality check.

Today, the top story in the Meat and Poultry Products category is “Wisconsin Firm Recalls Ground Beef Because of Possible Contamination with Hydraulic Fluid”. 123,000 pounds of ground beef that have been distributed to numerous states nationwide are being recalled because they may have hydraulic fluid in them. That’s what, 60 some tons of ground beef contaminated with a deadly fluid? Big business does it and it’s a mistake; fanatics do it and it’s terrorism. Does that make anybody any less dead after eating the beef?

That particular recall is classified as a Class I health risk. Class I is defined as “This is a health hazard situation where there is a reasonable probability that the use of the product will cause serious, adverse health consequences or death.”

Next on the list, “Tennessee Firm Recalls Ham for Possible Listeria Contamination”. Mmm…Some of that ham was fed to customers of a restaurant chain on February 5th and 6th. Would you like fries with your Class I health risk?

A firm that decided that we alll need a bit more glass in our diet is next on the list. “Texas Firm Expands Recall of Frozen Food Products That May Contain Pieces of Glass” Over 300,000(!) pounds of frozen foods are being recalled because glass made it into the manufacturing chain. That’s what? 150 tons of wasted food? And, lest you think that someone at the plant caught the problem and acted proactively, “The problem was discovered after the company received consumer complaints.” Just another Class I health risk from our friends in Texas.

Are you hoping to avoid the problem by eating chicken instead of beef and pork? “New York Firm Recalls Empire Kosher Chicken Products for Possible Listeria Contamination” That’s a relatively small recall. Only 5,760 pounds of Class I health risk chicken are being recalled.

Here’s a company that’s not quite sure what it puts in its food products. “Massachusetts Firm Recalls Chicken Products Due To Undeclared Allergen” Turns out the chicken is marinated in yogurt, but there is no mention of milk products on the labeling. That’s just too bad for everyone in numerous states along the Eastern US that are allegeric to milk products.

From our “It All Looks the Same When It’s Ground” Department: “California Firm Recalls Beef Products Due To Mislabeling” and “California Firm Recalls Pork Products Because of Mislabeling” Apparently, somebody at the factory pulled the “Shrimp” lever instead of the “Beef” or “Pork” lever while making dumplings. Sorry, all you folks allergic to shell fish. Just another Class I health risk from a US company.

Anyway, I could go on and on, but that would only belabor the point that the US food supply is in enough danger from US residents and companies. Terrorists need not apply to further muck up the US food chain. We’re doing just fine on our own, thanks.

Last week, I visited a local dentist to get some fillings. As anyone who has ever had dental work might expect, that was a huge mistake.Before I went to see the dentist, I really had no issues with my teeths’ performance. I asked them to chew all manner of edible goods, and they did their job.
Since my teeth have always been sensitive to cold, I returned the favor by not to asking them to chew really cold foods like ice cream, ice, and the like.

So, last Tuesday, I showed up at the dentist office to get three fillings. I should mention that the dentist in question moved into a new building the day before I arrived, so no one was quite sure where everything was and how it was going to work.

However, after one and one-quarter hours, the dentist proclaimed his work done. He then gave me all sorts of onimous warnings about how he might have to give me two root canals because he had to drill so deep into two of the teeth. My reaction at the time was, “Then why even bother with the fillings? I know you have a new building to pay off, but this is ridiculous.”

Anyway, I went home and spent the rest of the day with a throbbing cheek and set of gums.

I noticed almost immediately that one of the teeth on which the dentist had operated was incredibly sensitive to cold. Even swishing water from the tap around in my mouth was a very unpleasant experience. I decided that might just be tenderness that would wear off over time.

Well, its now Monday, and the tenderness has only gotten worse, rather than better. In addition to cold, the tooth is very sensitive to sugary foods and acids (like those found in grapefruit). Of course, those are two classic signs of cavities. I didn’t have any problems with those foods before, which makes me wonder if the damn dentist drilled a bigger hole in the tooth than he bothered to fill!

So, this morning, I started calling over to the dentist’s office, trying to get an appointment.

The first call ended with me on hold for ten minutes before I hung up.

The second ended with me being transferred to a voicemail box that “has not been initialized.”

The third ended with me being given a different phone number to call that is supposed to ring at the “new building.” I was then transferred to a voicemail box that “has not been initialized.”

The fourth call ended up with someone who wanted to transfer me (probably to that same voicemail box) before I stopped them. They then told me that the person with whom I need to speak is “at the other building.” If they’re at the new building, what building is this and what good is the number that I got in call number three?!? They did take my number and say they would get back to me.

So, I took some aspirin for my teeth and started hoping that they will call me back.

Finally, they called me back and told me to come over in one-half hour. We’ll see what Satan’s drill-happy running dog has to say for himself.

I found my new career today.While I was looking at something totally unrelated, I followed a random series of links and found myself looking at the following:

Running With Scissors Metal Sign with Real Bullet Holes!

The descriptive text says it all:

These are actual 12″x12″ metal signs emblazoned with the world-famous Running With Scissors logo!
Perfect for dorm rooms, nursery doors or underground bunkers!

These signs have REAL bullet holes blasted through them by hand using a variety of weapons and ammo.

That’s my dream job, right there. I want to be the guy in charge of shooting guns at signs which are then sold to people on-line.

It’s guns, ammo, and signs. All totally legal; all in the name of profits. How bad of a job could that really be?

Some movies we’ve seen of late:

• The Station Agent – See it.
• Zatoichi – See it.
• Before Sunset – Girls: See it. Guys: Slack it.
• De-Lovely – Skip it. As much as I like Cole Porter’s music, I could never get past my “Oh, look. There’s Kevin Kline and Ashley Judd” stage. Neither Sarah or I was able to suspend our disbelief and enter the movie’s world. And the artifice the movie employs to tie the plot together is amateurish.
• Walking Tall – You find The Rock entertaining: Slack it. Otherwise: Skip it.
• Collateral – See it. See it twice. Jamie Foxx was robbed with merely a best supporting actor nomination. He was clearly a starring actor in this film.
• Shaun of the Dead – See it. It features zombies, after all.

Explanation of my capsule movie reviews

In the spirit of Truth in Advertising, Panola Extra Hot Hot Sauce should really be labeled “Panola Extra Lame Lame Sauce.”

Once again, Tabasco delivers more heat than a sauce onimously named “extra hot.” It’s almost as though more sauce makers are pumping up the names of their sauces, without pumping of the heat, in an attempt to increase sales. They are making Disney-style hot sauces: the appearance of danger without any real danger within ten miles.

Rather than post long winded, self-important movie reviews that I doubt anyone reads, I use a minimalist system.

The “Thumb’s Up; Thumb’s Down” system sounds like it might be nice, but in reality, it’s binary nature leads to unncessary praise and criticism for movies. Some movies are watchable, but not necessarily good. Does that mean they get a thumbs up or a thumbs down? For instance, I would rather spend my time taking in a watchable movie than be bored for two hours on a plane without a good book. Or, if I’m in the mood to just vegetate in front of the television for two hours, a watchable movie is certainly better than infomercials or reruns.

With that in mind, I’m going to use the following three classifications for movies:

• See It – You should make an effort to see this movie. For whatever reason, you will not be disappointed.
• Skip It – Don’t waste your time with this turkey.
• Slack It – The movie is watchable. It isn’t good. It isn’t bad. Don’t make any extraordinary effort to see it. If you have some slack time, and this movie is in front of your face, then watch it. If you just need to veg out, and this movie is available, you could do worse.